I had a very interesting experience yesterday.  I spoke to a group of first year medical students on addiction and recovery and several 12 steps groups.  I was paired up with a woman who was approximately my age and we both walked into the class, looking like their mothers dressed to go to a business meeting or a church service.  After we introduced ourselves I asked them to guess which one was the addict and which one was in Al-Anon.  The students shook their heads and said they couldn’t even begin to imagine which one of us was the addict.  Neither of us fit the picture these kids had in their minds of what an addict was supposed to look like.

I told my story, in living color, as they sat there stunned into silence.  I could just hear what was going on in their heads, “Holy Crap!  I can’t believe she wrote scripts!  And she broke into peoples’ houses to get drugs? And she was a choir director AND ran a big laboratory at this very hospital! What the hell is this all about?”  And then I told them what it was about.  I told them that it didn’t make any difference if I was genetically pre-disposed to addiction, if it was a result of my upbringing, my culture, my surroundings, or my willpower (or lack thereof).  It didn’t  have a damn thing to do with how much education I had, how much money I made, how good a person I was, or even how spiritual I was.  I have a disease called addiction.  I was an above average student, a good wife, a devoted mother, an awesome friend, a practicing Christian, have a heart that breaks at the misfortunes of others and a determination to always try to make things better.

Some days I believe it is Grace that keeps me clean.  Some days I believe it is the work I do.  Sometimes I believe it is a crap shoot.  Some days I pray.  Some days I don’t.  Some days I work my program.  Some days I don’t.  Some days I thank God for the Grace She has given me.  Some days I don’t even make contact. I only know one thing for sure.  And that as of 3:14pm on this day, October 22, 2008 I am clean.

Now how do you put that in a medical book?

Till Next Time -

Your Humble Road Warrior